Why Boundaries Get Harder When You Become “The Business”

Dereka shares that when she started her practice, it was just her—so work naturally expanded into every available moment. Coming from a demanding background (Child Protective Services), working after hours felt normal… which made it harder to recognize when “less” was still too much.

Then motherhood changed everything.

When you have a child (or anyone who depends on you), your time becomes limited in a way that forces boundaries—because time is the one thing you can’t make more of. For Julia, the struggle isn’t understanding boundaries… it’s sticking to them when a curveball hits (like an unexpected hour-long customer support issue).

Key takeaway: Boundaries aren’t just about working less. They’re about intentionally deciding what gets your time first—before something “jumps the line.”

Boundary Question #1: “How Do I Set Boundaries When My Day Is Unpredictable?”

Whether it’s kids, customers, client emergencies, or just life—unpredictability is real. Dereka’s answer isn’t “perfect time blocking.” It’s flexible structure.

What helps when time blocking doesn’t work:

1) Add “buffer time” into your week
Dereka recommends building in 30 minutes of daily flexibility—because something will jump the line. If you don’t plan for the interruption, you end up borrowing time from yourself later (nights, weekends, rest).

2) Use timers + realistic task boundaries
Julia shares how timers help her avoid overbuilding projects (“making it 10x bigger than it needs to be”). This is especially helpful if you’re prone to hyperfocus, perfectionism, or ADHD-style spirals.

3) Borrow “focus windows” when needed
If you’re parenting while working, Dereka gives the permission many parents need: sometimes you stretch the rules (movie time, tablet time, a favorite show) because you have to finish something.

Not as a lifestyle—just as a tool.

Bottom line: If your life is unpredictable, your boundaries need structure and adaptability.

Boundary Question #2: “What’s the Difference Between Self-Care and Basic Needs?”

This was one of the biggest mic-drop moments of the episode:

A basic need is not self-care.

Taking a shower, grocery shopping, getting coffee because you’re exhausted—those are not “treats.” They’re maintenance. And when we treat basic needs like rewards, we accidentally lower the bar for what we think we deserve.

Dereka and Julia talk about how common it is (especially in motherhood and entrepreneurship) to confuse errands and survival-mode tasks with self-care—because it’s the only time you’re alone.

A simple boundary shift:

Start naming obligations as obligations.

• Dental appointments = obligation

• Financial advisor meeting = obligation

• Grocery shopping = obligation

• A real break = something that restores you

That one mindset change makes it easier to protect time that actually refuels you.

Boundary Question #3: “How Do I Stick to Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?”

This is where Dereka reframes boundaries in the cleanest way possible:

Boundaries aren’t for other people. They’re for you.

Yes, you communicate them to others—but you’re the one who enforces them.

So how do you make them easier to hold?

Tools Dereka recommends for actually following through:

1) Separate your work brain from your personal brain
Dereka creates a monthly “brain dump” with two columns:

• Work list

• Personal list

That separation reduces the constant ping-ponging that drains you mentally.

Extra upgrade: assign time estimates next to tasks (ex: 15 min, 30 min).
That way, if you only have 20 minutes, you don’t waste it choosing what to do.

2) Create a “15-minute reset” that’s actually doable
Dereka shares a simple breakdown: you can always create 15 minutes by stacking mini-moments:

• 5 minutes: scroll, breathe, reset

• 4 minutes: read an article

• 3 minutes: listen to a song

• 2 minutes: journal

• 1 minute: quick meditation / wind-down

This avoids the “new life starts tomorrow” trap where you create an impossible routine.

3) Schedule joy like an appointment
This was huge: Julia talks about feeling “silly” blocking time for a park day or playgroup—but then remembers that’s the reason she works late sometimes.

Dereka shares how she uses Sundays to plan life-giving things in advance:

• anniversaries

• date nights

• events months out

• one weekend with less going on

• family time that doesn’t happen unless you plan it

If you don’t schedule the good stuff, the business will happily take every open space.

4) Use “out of sight” boundaries
If your phone steals your attention, make the boundary physical:

• hide your phone

• put it on a shelf

• keep a separate business phone in one location

• use app blockers

Julia mentions apps like Opal and One Sec to block distracting apps or force a pause before scrolling.

The “Aerial View” Exercise: Boundaries as Routine Maintenance

One of Dereka’s most memorable metaphors: look at your life like a board game, from above.

Once a month, zoom out and ask:

• What’s working?

• What’s taking too much?

• What needs maintenance?

She compares it to keeping a car running:

• oil changes

• gas

• air in tires

Not glamorous. But necessary.

Translation: boundaries aren’t a personality trait. They’re maintenance.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode

• Opal (app blocker)

• One Sec (pause-before-opening apps)

• Sleep Meditation for Women (podcast)

• Morbid (podcast Julia listens to for fun)

• Giggly Squad (podcast Dereka loves)

• “Organized Chaos” (home task calendar concept mentioned)

Connect With Dereka + The Daffodil Room Group

• Dereka Filer / Recoup and Relief Counseling (Medina + Dublin, Ohio)
  Find her on Instagram: (you mentioned “Recoup Relief” — confirm exact handle when you publish)

• The Daffodil Room Group (nonprofit supporting infertility in Ohio)
  Search “Daffodil Room Group” on Facebook/Instagram (and link directly in your episode notes)

Connect With Julia / Just Flourish Marketing

Julia Foster
Instagram, Facebook, TikTok: @JustFlourishMarketing
Website: justflourishmarketing.com